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Andrea Gibson
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The Day You Died Because You Wanted To
In something like our mothers we grew
Til' red was again the color of the water
And pain wasn't something any of us could point to
Because it was what was
And morning came not knowing if it would come again
And love was the only thing assumed
And love should have been enough
Someone without a heart might say
The day you died because you wanted to
I tied my wisdom tooth to a door knob and pulled it loose
Take everything I think I know, every answer is a grave
Now the questions are the rain I walk through to find my way to God
And my only God is faith that there is comfort here
And who is hurting might hurt less than they did before
What else are these coins and all these wells for?
If not to wish the grief asleep in the lap of someone else's grief
Til grief comes not knowing if it will come again
Your sister thought the hearse was a limousine
Til she asked where it was going
And then she knew for sure
That's what a word like heaven will do
But heaven wasn't what you were aiming for
You didn't think the other side would be better
You thought the other side would be nothing at all
Imagine choosing nothing at all
Imagine something hurting that bad
I didn't still have the ring you'd given me
I crushed it with a rock to see how much you loved me
I love you to pieces too
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It hurts me in my head now
How you knew the water wasn't deep enough to dive into
But I won't let anyone say it was a shallow thing you did
I knew it was your entire body pointing
Saying here, here is where the pain is
I can crush a can with the heel of my shoe
I can drive by your mother's house if I want to
But, I don't want to
She was there when you bought the ring
She knew how long you'd been saving me
I didn't save anything
But you don't lose a person like a set of keys
Cause you don't find them again
And you can still get to where you're going
Resilience itself is an awful thing to grieve
Who with a heart can stomach how much we can stomach
All your blood in the water
And I can still wade through
And I will again
And I will again
And I will again with everyone I lose
So what I want most is to live the rest of my life
Desperately wanting to live it
I want to give that to you
I want to find you in the nothing at all
And I want it to be something
When I say, 'I want to make something of my life.'
That's what I mean
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