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Three Dead Trolls in a Baggie
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The Toronto Song
I hate the SkyDome and the CN Tower too;
I hate Nathan Philips Square and the Ontario Zoo!
The rent's too high,
The air's unclean,
The beaches are dirty,
And the people are mean!
And the women are big and the men are dumb
And the children are loopy 'cause they live in a slum!
The water is polluted and the mayor's a dork!
They dress real bad and they think they're New York...
In Toronto . . .!
Ontario . . . oh-oh!
'You know . . . now that I think about it, I pretty much hate all of Ontario!'
'Yeah! Me too!'
I hate Thunder Bay and Ottawa,
Kitchener, Windsor, and Oshawa!
London sucks and the Great Lakes suck,
And Sarnia sucks and Turkey Point sucks!
I took a trip to Ontario to visit Brian Mulroney!
He beat me up and he stole my pants
And he put me in a tree!
I went to see the Maple Leafs
And got hit in the head with a puck.
'Uh I don't even know how they did it . . . I mean, I was playin' the organ at the time!'
(And Alan Thicke sucks!)
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Ontario . . . oh-oh-oh sucks.
'Come to think of it, I pretty much hate every gosh darn province and territory in our country!'
'Well except Alberta!'
'Oh yeah, of course I love Alberta! Lot's of cows, rocks, trees and dirt . . . mmmmoo moo moo!'
But . . . I hate Newfoundland 'cause they talk so weird
And Prince Edward Island is . . . too small.
Nova Scotia's dumb 'cause it's the name of a bank;
New Brunswick doesn't have a good mall!
Quebec is revolting and it makes me mad!
Ontario sucks . . . Ontario sucks.
'Manitoba's population density is 1.9 people per square kilometre! Isn't that stupid?!'
Saskatchewan is boring and the people are old!
And as for the territories . . .
They're too cold!
'And the only really good thing about the province of British Columbia is that it's right next to us!'
'Cause Alberta . . . a-a
Doesn't suck!
But Calgary does . . .!
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